Fearful Courage

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.” ~Mark Twain

I am tired of fear. I am tired of how it binds limbs, gags mouths, blinds eyes, and destroys lives. I am tired of how it robs us of peace, joy, love, community, and honesty. I am tired of how it cloaks us in shadows that seem to protect us yet only serve to prevent us from being known.

Fear still affects me, but I have chosen to no longer allow it to master and control me.… Read the rest

Living with Darkness

I’m going to tell you a secret. My struggle with depression is not over. It was just this spring that I was determined to commit suicide.

Depression has been my lifelong nemesis.

Memories from as young as six years old contain feelings of deep sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. I felt unloved, misunderstood, afraid, angry, and resigned. Those feelings continued through adolescence, my teen and college years, and on into adulthood. The intensity of my feelings waxed and waned, but they were always there in some way.… Read the rest

Fearing Negative Emotions

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” ~II Timothy 1:7

Fear. I’m confronting it in my life, learning to recognize its grip and its consequences. I’m amazed to realize how often fear rules me. Fear not only deprives me of loving relationships but also greatly hampers my growth in just about every area of which I can think.

  • faith and spiritual life
  • social interactions
  • emotions
  • business transactions
  • volunteer work
  • finances
  • interpersonal relations

I can think of specific instances in which fear has held me back or even harmed me in every single one of these areas.… Read the rest

Trust Issues

I love this blog. It’s my place. Yes, I invited you in when I made it public, but this is my space. I choose what to write, when to write, why to write. And my choices spasm and cycle, reflecting my life’s spasmodic cycling.

If I’ve been reading a lot, my blog tends to reflect that, being peppered with book reviews. (Like my last, oh, ten or so posts.) If I’m feeling angst-ridden, my blog posts mirror that angst.… Read the rest