Trust Issues

I love this blog. It’s my place. Yes, I invited you in when I made it public, but this is my space. I choose what to write, when to write, why to write. And my choices spasm and cycle, reflecting my life’s spasmodic cycling.

If I’ve been reading a lot, my blog tends to reflect that, being peppered with book reviews. (Like my last, oh, ten or so posts.) If I’m feeling angst-ridden, my blog posts mirror that angst. If I’m focusing on my marriage and my husband, that’s what I write about. And so on and so forth.

Over the past several months, I have seen recurring themes playing out in my life. Love. Trust. Friendship. Fear. These topics crop up everywhere. Church, Facebook, blogs, online chats, emails – all seem to have conspired together to gang up on me, and they’re not tackling me with one topic at a time. Oh, no. They must needs mix and intermingle the topics until they’re so tightly entwined as to appear inseparable.

Take trust, for example. I’ve come to realize that I have some major trust issues going on. I don’t trust God, I don’t trust myself, and I don’t trust other people. I don’t trust that they (God and/or people) love me, and I fear getting close to either people (friendship) or God. And I’m getting hammered with sermons, conversations, and blog posts about trust.

I imagine that in the upcoming days I’ll be using my blog to process, analyze, and sort through my issues. In the meantime, I created a graphic that I thought you might like, too. It reminds me that fear will hold me back from so much good if I let it. I’m not going to let fear rule my life, and I hope you won’t, either.

Fear is a thief.

 

 

Comments

  1. Revka, you are a beautiful woman, inside and out. You have touched so many people’s lives. While, I can relate and nod my head to all of this, it is almost inconceivable that you were the one who wrote this. I hold you up to such high esteem. It is just hard to believe that someone who seems to have everything figured out and managed like a well oiled machine, has insecure thoughts and fears, like so many of us. It gives me hope to know I’m not alone with similar thoughts and fears. God bless you and I’m praying for guidance and grace for you through your journey.

    • Thank you, Debra, for your kind words.

      I’m always amazed when I hear how people see me. I have pretty much nothing figured out, or so it seems to me. And “well-oiled machine” certainly does not describe my management style or process. LOL

      I’m finding that the more honest I am about my struggles and failures, the more people say, “Hey! You’re just like me! I share those failures and struggles.” And I draw strength from the knowledge that I am not alone in my struggles.

      I greatly appreciate your prayers, and I’m praying for you, too, Debra.

  2. can’t wait to see how you process, and heal…hugs!

  3. Revka, welcome to The Loft. So glad you joined us this week. I love your honesty. Trusting is difficult so often because people are often not trustworthy. It sounds like God is faithfully pursuing you on this issue of trust. I pray you will feel His tender touch, and find Him completely faithful. I look forward to getting to know you here at The Loft. Blessings to you.

    • Thank you so much for your welcome and kind words, Leah. God has done a lot in my life in this area over the past summer, and I am learning to make the choice to trust, even though it terrifies me.

  4. Coming to you from The Loft. First, I love your blog’s title! Second, I blog *Just* like you do. . . I’ve been angsty of late 😉 Lastly, God works much the same way in me- praying for you as you get clobbered with these themes!

    • Thank you so much, Ren, for stopping by and leaving your lovely comment. Thank you, too, for the encouragement and prayers. God has been at work in my life this summer, and I am learning to trust and let go of fear.

  5. Glad to find Your Front Porch! It’s a good place. Thank you. Keep processing. Keep writing. See you again.

  6. I love your blog, it is beautiful! I think that you have echoed some of the same fears that we as women struggle with and might not be as courageous to share. Thank you….thank you for sharing your heart!!

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