Journey Out of Darkness

picture of forbidding fortress towerSolitary

I built a fortress, tall and strong –
Built it deep and built it long.
Built it so that I’d be free
From threats against my deepest me.

Bit by bit the walls grew high
Until they nearly reached the sky,
Sheltering, protecting, shutting out
Tears within and fears without.

I built a fortress but found on waking
I was locked within
a prison of my own making.

~ Revka Stearns

Not so long ago, my world once again grew dark. But this time, I had a friend who was able to see that I needed help and was able to help me understand that what I was experiencing was not normal, that I didn’t have to fight it alone, and that I could get help.

Cutting out quite a bit, I’ll just say that I did get help, and I’m very thankful I did. I’m no longer in that dark place, and I’m hopeful that I have seen the last of it for a very long time, if not forever.

I wrote the poem above in one of my dark times during the past months. I’ve shared before about the walls I’ve built and about my desire to tear down those walls. I’d shared some of the progress that I’d made in dismantling those barriers.

Today, I’m rejoicing in the fact that I’ve been able to identify and discard a lot of the reasons I had for erecting my fortress. I’m making great headway in finding the courage to be true to myself rather than trying to meet everyone else’s expectations for me. And life is good.

 

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